Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Reimbursable Flogger

My friend E.E. Zulkoski nominated me for the Versatile Blogger award. Because she finds glee in torment.

I hate these things. You want some good blogs? I got a list over on the right side. Scroll down. There you go. However, because Erin and I are collaboragatin' on a bizarre and gruesome novella about a baby-obsessed man named Tim and his "rescue" of a pregnant woman kidnapped and held hostage by religious psychotics, I'm taking the bait.

The novella's working title is The Creeping Uterus. I'm hoping to have it on Kindle, well, whenever we're done with it. It's gory and gross and creepy, like really awful drive-in fare. I won't compare it to Joe Lansdale, but his drive-in fiction is one of the inspirations for my side of the story.

I conferred with Crime Fiction's Doctor Love, Glenn Gray, about whether you could strangle someone with an umbilical cord. I also asked him if a strongman could tear off a person's head. You want answers, you'll have to read upcoming stories. (Hint: "Maaaaybe....")

Back to the award.
Conditions to the award are as follows:

  1. In a post on your blog, nom­i­nate 15 fel­low blog­gers for The Ver­sa­tile Blog­ger Award. (15? What is this, the Oscars? 5. You get 5.)
  2. In the same post, Add the Versatile Blog­ger Award. (Done)
  3. In the same post, thank the blog­ger who nom­i­nated you in the post with a link back to their blog. (done, as sarcastically and passive-aggressively as possible)
  4. In the same post, share 7 completely ran­dom pieces of infor­ma­tion about yourself. (see below)
  5. In the same post, include this set of rules. (QED)
  6. Inform each nom­i­nated blog­ger of their nomination. (I sent subpoenas. That's more fun)

Seven useless facts about me:

  1. I did in fact jump off a roof, just because my friends did. It was a ticket booth at our local baseball field, and I landed wrong and snapped my tibia. Lesson learned. 
  2. I once caught a falling refrigerator with my chin. 
  3. All of my toes are big toes. (Okay, not really, but how freaky would that be? I can't wait to inflict this malady on a character). Real answer: I drove a heavily modified 5.0 Mustang convertible, through five hard Minnesota winters. Patience, a light foot, and a good set of snow tires go a long way.
  4. My grandfather's family in Ireland took in a destitute neighboring family during the Depression, and left the ancestral home to them. I visited, and corresponded with them. Generosity is in my blood.
  5. I own all of Walt Kelly's Pogo books and often say words like "rowrbazzle!" and sing "Deck us all with Boston Charlie" at Christmas when agitated.
  6. I once accidentally stabbed myself in a public restroom. 
  7. I can't play a musical instrument or speak another language, unless the butt trumpet and pig Latin count.

And here are five bloggers I dub with this ignominious award, because I enjoy reading their stuff.

I bet Matt Taibbi won't reply. Prima donna.

© 2011 Thomas Pluck

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