Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Ten Favorite Movie Characters Meme

I didn't get tagged in this because I smell and have no friends, but I'm doing it anyway. These are in no particular order because this isn't MySpace.

10. Ripley

Sigourney Weaver owned this role even in Alien, long before she hopped in a powerloader and growled, "Get away from her, you bitch!" In fact, as great as she is in Aliens, Ripley is a more appealing character in the first one. She's resourceful but still emotional, and while she's a tall drink of water she'd still be easy on the eyes, especially after hypersleep. She can handle a flamethrower in a pinch, and doesn't mind blowing up billion dollar star freighters to get the job done. My management style is based on Ripley.

9. Elwood P. Dowd
Sure, he's best friends with a six foot invisible rabbit named Harvey, but Elwood is just an all around nice guy. Always ready for a drink, he's as friendly as they come, and realizes it's better to be pleasant than clever in the long run. You can be pleasant about being clever; no one cares how clever you are, but how pleasant you are makes a big difference in how you get along. That's Elwood's lesson, and it's a good one.

8. Thulsa Doom
You gotta have a villain in here somewhere. This was a tough one, because he's not really all that charismatic. Hannibal Lecter is an easy one to pick; you never think he'd find YOU rude and eat your thymus glands in brown butter, do you? But Clarice Starling is the only person who's safe from his fork. With Thulsa, you know where you stand. Either you worship him, or you are an infidel defiler who will drown in lakes of blood. I'd rather know if I'm going to drown in a lake of blood up front. He's great even when Conan the Barbarian cuts his head off and throws it down the stairs.

7. John Matrix
The greatest action hero of all time. Yep, even though he was only in Commando. He's smart, he's strong, he never misses, and he can jam a steam pipe through your fake chain mail sweater and out your spine. And deliver snappy one-liners the entire time! As long as you're not a mercenary tough or a mall cop, or get in his way of rescuing "Chenny," he'll be on your side. Right? ... RIGHT!

6. Indiana Jones
I have to admit, even after the crappy fourth movie, Indy will always be great. He's unstoppable, he has unshakeable moral foundations, and he's cool even when he's bumbling. What makes Indy so great? When hes about to do something crazy, he looks scared. He's as incredulous as we are when he jumps on the front of a truck. But he does it, because it must be done! It helps that he's afraid of snakes. It makes him human. John Matrix would bite the head off that snake and make a garrote out of it.

5. Otto
Kevin Kline is one of the funniest guys around, but after the excellent Dave I think he got a little soft. When he was a jerk, he was even funnier. Otto of A Fish Called Wanda is one of the greatest inept villains of all time- a true vulgarian who thinks central tenet of Buddhism is "every man for himself," who's not afraid to sneak a gun into an airport or try unprepared sushi. He really made this movie, and he had a lot of talented company.

4. MacReady
Why this Kurt Russell role over Snake Plissken, the ultimate badass? Because he's a regular guy who saves humanity when thrust into impossible circumstances against an otherworldly foe. You can see a bit of Snake in this character but he's always believable, and like all heroes, he's afraid of what he has to do, but he does it anyway. When he's not saving the world he just wants to fly his chopper and smoke dope in his shed.

3. Bart
As a relatively unknown actor, how do you walk into a role written by and for Richard Pryor, the biggest black comedian of the time? Ask Cleavon Little. It amazed me that his career fizzled after Blazing Saddles, he was so entertaining. He had small roles as DJs in FM and Vanishing Point but never one as big as this. Bart is funny, cool, yet has just enough self-doubt to be a likeable guy. He can fool the man with shuck 'n jive, seduce Lili Von Schtupp, and even talk the Waco Kid out of drinking himself to death. Just remember than 19 is his limit on schnitzengruben. Bitte, baby.

2. George & Marion Kerby
A high school pal of mine was obsessed with Topper but it took many years for me to watch it and see what the big deal was. Cary Grant has always been the perfect gentleman, but it's tough to pick one role. I'm not sure I'd want to be haunted by this couple, but I'd rather party with them than Nick & Nora Charles any day.

1. Helen Tasker
This was a tough one. I went through all the women characters of cinema who made me feel like a naughty little boy, from Linda Fiorentino and Kathleen Turner's femme fatales to bubbly Geena Davis, Marlena Dietrich and Rita Hayworth... and it came down to, who could I live with? Most of them would probably kill me for my cash, but Helen was a faithful wife who wanted a little excitement. And when it came time to serve her country, she did a hell of a striptease, and bashed someone's head in with a phone. Plus, I had a crush on her since Trading Places. I guess it says a lot that in True Lies I'm ogling a funny redhead with some meat on her bones when Tia Carrera is in it.


Peter said...

Tia Carrera looks like an alien with plastic boobs. She's no Jamie Lee Curtis.

I copied your blog on my blog, by the way. Had some time this morning.


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