Friday, June 27, 2008

The Predator Illuminati Shadow Government

I don't know if you heard, but that guy from Predator is running for office.
Arnold? That's old news. Jesse Ventura? Even older.

No, this time it's Sonny Landham, Billy the tracker with the huge machete who "ain't afraid of no man." I was hoping Carl Weathers or Bill Duke might have been dubbed to be Obama's running mate- he needs some muscle on his side. Instead it's the guy who was so touchy on the set of the movie that a bodyguard was hired to protect Schwarzenegger, Ventura, and Apollo Creed-- a collective 3 tons of 100% Prime American beefcake-- from his outbursts. And even more disturbingly, he looks like Kim Jong Il these days.

Fuck you, Hans Brix!

Sonny also played Billy Bear, one of the bad guys from 48 Hrs., and the cable guy in a few porn films, apparently. He's now running on the Libertarian ticket, but he ran unsuccessfully as a Republican in 2003. All the actors from Predator seem to lean Libertarian. Arnold is one of the better Republicans in government. I voted for Jesse Ventura back when I lived in Minnesota, and don't regret it. The state was fine under his watch.

Throw it in a pot with some broth, and you got a stew goin'!

In a few years, we'll see Carl Weathers run on the "a stew in every pot" ticket, and Bill Duke can just stare at you until you stumble into the voting booth in terror. Shane Black can run on a Assfuck ticket, since that's his favorite word to use in screenplays, and we'll have a Predator Shadow Government that can hunt down those pesky invisible terrorists.

I know I'd feel a lot safer. As long as no one from Predator 2 runs for office. Two words: Gary Busey.


Fletch said...

"What's the matter? The [government] got you pushing too many pencils?"

You're right - Sonny looks friggin' weird. Granted, I don't think I've seen him in anything in 20 years, but I didn't recognize him at all...

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