Sunday, February 3, 2008

Ignatius has fled the Quarter

New Orleans most beloved son no longer stands under the clock at the Chateau Sonesta hotel. He is suffering the vast indignity of being stored in back to protect him from savage uncivilized tourists who don't have a medieval view and would never tolerate his unique qualities, much less his valve. The most grievous insult is that he was replaced by a refreshment stand. I guess Ignatius fled katrina or was horrified at Mayor Nagin's declaration that the town would remain "chocolate." Hoo-eee!

Lucky dogs are still the safe haven for inebriates requiring 12 inches of Paradise, or some chili and onion slathered tube steak to stave off the onslaught of a Hurricane and Hand Grenade induced hangover. Last night on Bourbon Street I did take some comfort there, and while the pirate costumed giant from A Confederacy of Dunces was nowhere to be seen, his spirit was there as the beads fell from balconies into the eagerly spreadeagled limbs of a busty gal who just swapped bare-breasted indignity for the shiny fruit of some Chinese sweatshop's labors. He would have fainted in moral terror when his valve seized shut at the site of her natural and finely formed bosoms aimed skyward.

I myself just tipped my imaginary hunter's cap and tipped the Lucky Dog vendor, taking the spongy meat in the mushy bun, with its lake of raw onions, relish, ketchup, yellow mustard and chili, and savored the trashy form of purity that it, and the bead and boob transaction that went on alongside, represented. New Orleans may have traded some of its soul after Katrina chased out many of the Yats who made the Big Easy what it was, and Ignatius may be sequestered in the storage room of Houston or a FEMA trailer instead of his mother's tiny house, but his spirit is still there, even when the town is in the deepest throes of its tourist-luring debauchery.

Officer Mancuso may have lost to the burlesque club owning purveyors of smut this time around, but there's still a chance for a "communiss" to clean things up.

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